Accompanying Homework: Is it a Child's Need or Parents Not Letting Go

2024-03-22

Accompanying children with homework is gradually becoming an additional burden for many parents in their daily work. "Myocardial infarction, high blood pressure, being angry and crying..." On social media, various types of parent tutoring homework "crash scenes" are not uncommon. At the recently concluded National People's Congress and Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, Ma Jinglin, a member of the National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference and the principal of Beijing No.4 Middle School, sparked a heated discussion among netizens about the idea of parents accompanying their children to do homework. He firmly opposes parental companionship in homework and calls on parents to be "gardeners" rather than "carpenters" in their children's growth process. As Ma Jinglin said, "gardeners" focus on providing suitable soil, water, and sunlight for flowers and plants to grow naturally, while "carpenters" process wood into furniture according to established drawings. Children are unique, whether to shape them with fixed templates or guide them to grow freely, which is better or worse, is clear at a glance. This statement speaks to the hearts of many parents. Speaking of which, I was originally a supporter of this viewpoint, but when things got tough, I backed down. When my child was still young, I occasionally accompanied them in doing homework. A teacher reminded me that if parents themselves do not attach importance to accompanying their children with homework, the learning effect can be imagined with their children's self-awareness. Years later, I realized that this companionship style of doing homework had no substantial meaning. A parent should certainly take on the responsibility of appropriate tutoring, but being tied to their child like checking in every day not only easily changes the family scene and atmosphere, intensifies conflicts, but also creates a dependency and resistance mentality in their children. Once parents and children experience severe frustration in companionship, it can also trigger extreme events. Parents and children should each perform their own duties, and the biggest drawback of parent accompanying homework is that both parties are "mismatched" and lack a mechanism for reconciliation. Parents accompanying their children to do homework do have moments of "maternal kindness and filial piety" and "peaceful times", but more commonly, many originally calm parents are angered by their children's "inability to understand no matter what they say". The phenomenon of parental companionship in doing homework is not long-standing, at least we middle-aged people do not have such an experience during our teenage years. The reason why it has become a common phenomenon is that, in addition to some schools and teachers advocating or explicitly requiring it, many parents actively consider accompanying their children to do homework as a necessity in the context of internalization. The resulting clamor and confusion reflect the question of how parents should accompany and educate their children? Many parents always like to emphasize the hard work of accompanying their children with homework, thinking it is a form of self sacrifice, but rarely ask themselves or ask their children: do they really need it? "Learning to let go" is an important educational philosophy, and parental companionship in homework is precisely the most typical example of letting go and not letting go. Some parents often intervene inappropriately in their children's growth under the banner of "I do it for you", lacking science and patience, and failing to teach according to individual differences and aptitude. For example, some children enjoy writing, but parents crazily train their children to write "standardized" essays, which greatly reduces their interest; Some children hope to balance work and rest and relax appropriately, while some parents are racing against time, leaving their children physically and mentally exhausted; Some children have innovative problem-solving methods, but parents force their children

Edit:Liangyongqing    Responsible editor:Liyi

Source:China youth Daily

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