Have you ever experienced unemployment, financial difficulties, relationship troubles, health problems, abuse or grief... but have you had to "pick yourself up"? When you confide your troubles to your friends, will they want you to be content and happy? Are you struggling in self hatred, but what you see online is this: "You're really sentimental! Think about happy things!" If so, then you may be a victim of "toxic positivity. Amidst the global wave of positive psychology, personal growth expert Chase Hill has coined a new term: toxic positivity. Hill believes that some popular positive cultures are actually very harmful to emotional health. Life is inevitably full of ups and downs, and no one can feel good 24 hours a day. If no one comforts you or helps you analyze the problem when encountering difficulties, and everyone just tells you to think positively, and you also feel that you should remain optimistic and not generate negative emotions, then the problem will never be solved, and your forcibly suppressed negative emotions will eventually erupt in silence. In the book Toxic Motivation, Chase Hill points out the nine most common pitfalls of toxic motivation. Concealing our own feelings and not knowing how to express ourselves correctly can sometimes lead us to fear the reactions of others to our emotions. Perhaps we are worried that our feelings will be denied by others, or perhaps we are afraid that they will be angry or sad, so we hide our emotions. However, a person can only be responsible for their own emotions. Therefore, if someone treats you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you must consider your own health and express your feelings clearly. Of course, some small techniques are also needed when expressing emotions. Expression should focus on one's own feelings rather than the other person's behavior, and declarative sentences with "I" as the subject can be used. For example, "You don't respect me in front of friends and make me very angry," it's like blaming the other person; And "I feel very angry if you don't respect me in front of friends" is the expression of my feelings. Although there is only a slight difference between these two sentences, mastering the technique of expressing our own feelings correctly will prevent us from falling into the trap of concealment. 2. Self denial, believing that negative emotions are "inappropriate". When experiencing something, we may tell ourselves that it is unreasonable for us to generate such emotions. This is ignoring one's own feelings, also known as "self denial". The most common traps are sentences that start with "should" and "should not". For example, "I shouldn't feel too stressed at work because my colleagues are in a worse situation" or "I just encountered difficulties and should persevere.". But these "should" and "should not" are just what you impose on yourself, regardless of whether it should be or not, emotions already exist. In fact, we often refute our feelings to cover up some more painful things. For example, if you try to ignore the feeling of being under a lot of pressure, you should ask yourself why there is pressure. Is it because there are too many things to take responsibility for, or because you feel ashamed of making a mistake at work? Not solving the problem behind emotions, things
Edit：GuoGuo Responsible editor：FangZhiYou
Source：people.cn
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