Second child families should pay special attention to the mental health of the eldest child
2021-11-16
With the full liberalization of China's two child and three child policies, many parents are considering whether to add another brother or sister to their only child. However, more than one child does not mean more than one birth. Parents' rearing methods and grasp of the balance of love will have an impact on children's mental health. Families with two children tend to ignore the needs of the eldest The study found that family environmental factors play an important role in children's mental health. After the arrival of the second child, the eldest brother has psychological problems because he feels neglected, and even extreme behavior will occur, leading to tragedy. Dr. Liu Yuxin, deputy director of the children's Department of the Sixth Hospital of Peking University, pointed out in an interview with Zhongqing daily · zhongqing.com that parents who decide to raise their second child should pay special attention to the mental health of the eldest child. Although every parent wants their children to grow up healthily and happily and thinks that they give each child the same amount of love, in reality, parents often inadvertently do things that hurt their children, but they don't realize it. Liu Yuxin saw that in two child families, the most common problem is that parents ignore the needs of the boss. Before the arrival of the new baby, many parents did not fully communicate with the boss. After the arrival of the new baby, the boss usually had a sense of loss. He felt that he could enjoy the love of the whole family before. Now the new brother or sister has separated the love of his parents and the attention of the whole family. In this case, some children will have degenerative behavior. For example, a child can defecate, eat and dress independently. After the birth of a new baby, he suddenly lost the life skills he had learned and became incapable of anything. He began to wet his bed and pants like a baby, and he would not eat and dress himself. Liu Yuxin explained that the child's degenerative behavior is actually because he feels neglected and neglected by his family. In order to attract the attention of parents, he also becomes like a baby and won't do anything. He hopes to regain the attention of the whole family. Some children will become angry and even secretly bully the baby while the adults are away. These children lose their temper and bully the baby because they feel wronged and don't know how to express and vent. Liu Yuxin told reporters that children in one-child families originally enjoyed the love of all adults at home alone. When there is a second child at home, they often feel uncomfortable and need a process of psychological transformation. When preparing to have a second child, you must fully communicate with the child in advance "When a family is ready to have a second child, it must fully communicate with the child in advance." Liu Yuxin said, "communication needs to be carried out slowly and bit by bit, not just once. This is a long process before and after the birth of a new baby." She suggested that from the time the mother conceived a new baby, she began to slowly educate and infiltrate the children at home, so that he could understand that there would be one more brother or sister at home and would play with him, which was a happy thing. And try to let the eldest brother participate in the birth of his brother or sister. If conditions permit, the mother can take the child with her during the prenatal examination, let him see the beating of the baby's heart through B-ultrasound, and let him feel that a small life is slowly growing, so as to increase his feelings with this new life. In addition, before the birth of a newborn, parents can instill in their children the idea of being a good brother or sister, and teach their children how to do it. After the new baby is born, parents should pay more attention to the boss as much as possible. Liu Yuxin specially pointed out that after the birth of the second child, it is easy for parents and adults at home to inadvertently ignore the eldest child. In fact, during this period, older children need to feel more attention and love in order not to lose their sense of security and love each other with their new baby. After the birth of the new baby, parents should often give the older child a hug and give timely feedback on his needs. In the process of taking care of the baby, they should also let the older child fully participate in it, so that he can get a sense of achievement, and make him feel that "when I grow up, I can take care of myself and my younger brothers and sisters", This can cultivate a strong and independent personality of an older child and make him more responsible. When family and friends visit the new baby, don't forget to prepare a gift for the older child, and don't let the older child feel neglected. Parents of families with many children must "keep a bowl of water flat" Liu Yuxin believes that competition between children will inevitably occur in families with many children. Children will compete for both parents' attention and family resources. How to make children "love" rather than "kill each other" is a test of parents' rearing style. Parents of families with many children must have a fair attitude, "a bowl of water is flat", and cannot have a preference for a child. In reality, parents are often heard to say to the older children at home, "you are a brother and should set an example" and "you are a sister and should let your brother and sister". In fact, this is very unfair to the older children, which will make the older children feel wronged, feel deprived of their love and rights, and make the children feel spoiled for granted. This is not conducive to the friendly coexistence of the two children, nor to the growth of the children, especially when children enter the society, they will be frustrated because they feel that others do not always follow themselves. Different ways of attention should be given to children according to their own characteristics It should be noted that treating every child fairly does not mean copying the same educational methods to every child, but paying different attention to children according to their own characteristics. Liu Yuxin pointed out that although born in the same family, each child has its own characteristics. Parents need to understand as like as two peas of their own temperament, giving them the attention and educational methods that suit their temperament. They can not kill their children's nature, require every child to be the same, or blindly request a child to learn from another child, and follow another child's example. In Liu Yuxin's view, the "order of growth and childhood" advocated by Chinese traditional culture can be said to be the "magic weapon" of family education with many children. Parents can instill the concept of "orderly growth and childhood" in their children and establish the authority of older children, which can not only make older children feel concerned and respected, make older children more responsible, be more willing to take care of their younger brothers or sisters, set an example everywhere, and gain a sense of value, but also let children know how to respect older children and be grateful, Let the two children love each other more. (outlook new era)
Edit：Yuanqi Tang Responsible editor：Xiao Yu
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